Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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