She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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