apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
