I just made out with a guy for $7.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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