it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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