Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
