this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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