I think i peed on brittanys purse
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
