Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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