you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
