woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
