I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
