In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
