i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
