Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
