So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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