have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
did i just pee glitter
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
