she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
