somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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