You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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