he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MIDGETS
????
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
