does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you never un-have a 4some
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
