Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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