no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
