There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
