She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
