Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
