never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
