Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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