Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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