i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
