I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
