Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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