I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
