Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
