Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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