Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
