I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
