I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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