I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is wine microwaveable?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
