seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
