I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
