Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
