remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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