Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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