i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
