If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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