my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize