I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
