and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Randomize
