Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
