apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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