bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
