Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize