you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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