so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
