youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
