So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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