If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
