she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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