sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm jealous of your bromance
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
