I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
