Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
