Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize