im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
