I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
