If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
