life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
