You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
