goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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