I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
