i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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