There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
